दहेज़??? We 'Maithil' don't support it!

"बड़ रे जतन सँ हम गौरी दाई के पोसलौं, पोसलौं नेह लागायल..सेहो शिव शंकर नेने जाय..

सोने सँ गौरी मोरे कोना का रहतीं.. बाबा घर छुटल जाए..!

एही बर लेल गौरी बड़ तप कैली बड़ ताप कैली, कारियों उमा के बिदाय..

आँगन बीच हेमंत ऋषि कानैत, सून भेल मैना के दुआर.. बाबा घर छुटल जाय..!

छाती पीट-पीटी मैना कानैत,  के मोरे उमा लेने जाय..

छोटे छिनी सौ हम पाली पोसी केलों, अपन करेजे लगाय..

बाबा घर छुटल जाय..बाबा घर छुटल जाय.."

I believe you readers can identify the lyrics of one of the Maithili Vivaah Songs we all love to play, sing and enjoy (its basically a महेशवानी). I also assume that it is not required to explain the soulful meaning and feelings this song (and obviously many other such songs) portray. Apart from other things, it definitely conveys the feelings of parents of a girl who is getting married and leaving for her husband's house. This songs along with many other Maithili songs has become part of the tradition we unmistakenly follow during marriages in our community, especially when we are the host, i.e. from the marrying girl's side.

Maithili marriages, originally, are known as a ceremonious event filled with traditional rituals in various forms, women singing different format of folk songs to express their gratitude to the lord, affection to the marrying couple, small jokes and laughing moments with new bride and bridegroom, sadness for bride leaving her parental home, and so on. Whenever we talk about the marriage system in Mithila, it automatically incorporates the mention of the dowry - one of the worst form of traditions deeply rooted in Indian culture.  Though it is oblivious that the system was started as bride's family's gesture of respect and welcome to those of bridegroom's family, usually in the form of small gifts, household stuffs, clothes, etc. Eventually it became a (almost mandatory) part of any marriage. And with the passage of time, as consumerism and bragism are becoming a not-so-unusual thing, the tendency of ours is to promote this ill-trend, directly or indirectly, intentionally or forcefully; either way we are becoming more and more involved in spreading this kuriti (कुरीति).

Now let me raise some real issues of concern in this regard. Almost all of us do know that giving and receiving dowry is a crime, social as well as legal and moral (very similar to bribe, isn't it?). We all talk aloud about avoiding this practice, uprooting this (evil)tradition, and blah.blah..blah..!! Ironically, most of us are, directly or indirectly, supporting it. Though I am so far just an onlooker of this traditional devilious act (because I am still unmarried! ha..ha..ha..ha.. ;-)), I have witnessed some very unwarranted sequences relating to dowry. The major cause of concern is that the (pseudo) traditional act of gifting has been changing its form and those who are against of this trend, are also supporting it and involved in it. You may be wondering what is this (pseudo) tradition in turning into? Yeah, think about it!

The bride's family granting heavy materialistic gifts to the bridegroom's family in the form of household stuff, jewellery, land, property, monetary benefits such as investments, deposits etc., not a thing of past, for sure. I mean they still practice gifting in these formats, definitely. But, what we are missing to notice is another form of this act that is grabbing poor Maithil brides' families. Those (bridegrooms' families) who are publicly not taking such materialistic gifts from brides' families, they are too encouraging the poor chaps to spend more and more on other activities in weddings such as hospitality etc.

The tradition of imitating the "big fat Indian wedding" is taking its roots in Maithil community. Bride's family is kind of forced to provide grand hospitality to the bridegroom's family and the Baraat, even if bride's family is not able to host them in such manner. They are forced to spend money on welcoming the bridegroom party in a huge and royal way. Though its not unexpected that bride's party does all this in their best possible way, but don't you think the 'best-possible-efforts' are not what the bridegroom's party wants from their counterparty. It is something (much much) more than that. They want something if not like the "Yash-Chopra's-films-kind-of-weddings", then at least a local version of those big fat Indian weddings. Such expectations may be including anything but not limited to great multi-cuisine dinner arrangements in western style, iconic decoration (which neighborhood people will be talking about for some time), band-baaja etc (the one most famous around is least what us expected!), and many other things copied either from films or from hi-society weddings, and so on! Doesn't this sound like another (and modified) version of dowry? Don't you think its going to hamper (and may be vanish) the rich Maithil Vivaah culture for our next generation, leave from the minds of outsiders who believe that we have a very nice tradition in Mithila? Shall we not give it a thought and discuss about it?


PS: I have written this post considering the current trends being followed in the Mithila Community, and I don't intend to hurt anyone's sentiments in any manner. Feedback and participation are always welcome. Thank you!!